Piers Morgan’s Advice For Clarkson Is Ridiculously Annoying

Piers Morgan’s Advice For Clarkson Is Ridiculously Annoying

According to Piers Morgan, being punched in the face by Clarkson is like being “slapped over the face with a wet cod”.

A great way to kick a man while he’s down, don’t you think?

Written by his once greatest enemy, this *sympathetic* letter offering advice to Clarkson is cleverly woven with sarcastic humour and patronising insults.

Although, he did admit that Clarkson’s big mistake “was hitting your loyal, hard-working producer, not me again”.

“If you’d just whacked ME in the head again, as you did at the British Press Awards in 2004, the nation would have risen as one to applaud you. I suspect an OBE might have been in the offing, possibly even an open-top bus, ticker-tape parade of London.”

Here are the top 10 things Piers recommends Jeremy does to put his life back together:

#1 Get on a plane, fly somewhere remote and hot, turn your phone off

200

#2 Don’t accept any new job for a while

200-1

#3 Issue a public statement confirming you’re not actually dead

200-3

#4 Do normal things again

200-4

#5 Avoid the overwhelming temptation to slag off your former bosses

200-5

#6 Get fit

200-7

#7 Spend more time with your family

200-6

#8 Keep your temper when drunken louts mock you in the street

200-8

#9 Go and watch your beloved Chelsea

200-9

#10 Don’t even think about launching a new career in America. Your teeth will never work over here

200-12

 

Thanks Piers, very helpful. Now can you go back to fake pictures please.

Pssst!
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